So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Ambien. No doubt about it.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
