You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
