Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
