I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
