We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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