There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
