they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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