guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
