OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
