Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Panties = found
Randomize
