Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
