Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
