I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
