okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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