It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
