K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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