How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
