ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
