Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
