I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
