I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
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