i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
