I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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