He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
