the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
