You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
