GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
they're like a gay fantastic four
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
