btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
