Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
