she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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