I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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