made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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