Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
