apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
