He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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