That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
