In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
