So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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