This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
