Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize