Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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