I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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