Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
