$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
