The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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