Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
i think my cat just said my name.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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