if you like me you must not know who I am
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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