we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We smell like vodka and hangover
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