This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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