I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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