Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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