wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
