I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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