i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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