Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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