There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
