I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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