we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
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I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
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Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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