last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
