She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
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Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
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It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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