well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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