I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
